Dear Depression

Going through a difficult time?
Like Churchill said “If you’re going through hell, keep going!”

I deal with a lot of different issues. Frustrating, aggravating, and I work on managing the stress as much as I can. Some days are more overwhelming than others. I have good days as well, but it’s easy to do great when you’re having a great day.

It’s on those bad days when I have to push through and remember what I’m doing it all for.

I’ve almost given up multiple times in my life. Thought I wouldn’t see another day. I’ve had depression since I was 12 or 13. I have anger issues, anxiety, and a general self-loathing that looms over my entire existence. I deal with this every day.

Yes. On my good days. On my bad days. Do you want to know what gets me through? I have the desire to do better for my family, and the love for them.

I set goals, and bury myself in my work. I don’t talk about my depression with people, but there are a few people that know me that know that I have depression.

Don’t get me wrong, I have good feelings as well, and I work really hard not to let myself fall down in the hole.

I have learned how to restructure my internal dialogue, I’ve tried meditation, exercise, drinking, medication prescribed by a doctor, art, writing, escapism, you name it.

I have read many books on leadership and self-development.

I have stood up for myself and others against harassment and bullying. I have offered encouragement to others who have been suicidal, and depressed.

I have lost friendships over it. Either because they were afraid, or simply didn’t want to deal with me after they found out I had depression. The stigma of depression is a heavy weight to bear.

It’s only been the last 10 years or so but I felt more comfortable having those conversations about depression with myself and with others.

I watched the video yesterday that I shared about Kerwin Rae, and I listen to his podcast. His friend was talking about how freeing it was to be open and honest with people about his depression and addiction.

I don’t like to think of myself as being a broken person, I like to view myself as a work in progress.

It’s one of the reasons why I’m able to identify with other people who are dealing with mental health issues. The funny thing is, there’s no one solve it all for everybody. What works for one person may work for another, or it may not. It’s not a “take two aspirin and call me in the morning “kind of solution.

One of things that has helped me is grit. Resolving not to give up when everything seems lost. I often think about Churchhill’s “If you’re going through hell, keep going!”

I failed at a lot of things in my life. I’ve let a lot of people down. I’ve let myself down. This isn’t going to be a happy ending kind of post. Just want to share with you that you’re not alone.

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