10 steps to build real world relationships

In today’s crazy world, people are super busy. While we are connected online through social media, people are starving for real world intimacy. Making friends online seems easy, but making a real world friend, one you do stuff with, have fun with, share similar interests with, seems increasingly more difficult as we App our lives away.

You probably clicked on this post because you want to have genuine connections with others. I promise this is stuff that works for me. You can adapt and adopt it to you, and try it out.

I’m sharing some stuff that works for me. I love building relationships with people, and helping others.

  1. Greet them with a smile. – Your first greeting is your name. Practice saying “Hi, I am YOUR NAME.” in the mirror. Smile, relax your shoulders and jaw, and just say it. Look yourself confidently in the eyes and extend your hand for a handshake. Say “Hi, I am YOUR NAME” over and over. Say it in different tones of voices. Saying it seriously. Say it with a funny voice. Make silly faces. Have fun with it, and practice this often. Don’t like saying “Hi, I am”…change it up. The important part is gaining confidence with your name, smiling, being approachable, and welcoming. You are inviting the other person to get to know you. And why not? You are freaking awesome!
  2. Offer a firm handshake. – This is one of my biggest deal breakers. I don’t like when someone tries to break my hand when they shake my hand. I also don’t like a limp handshake. The early grabbers. You know the kind who clamp down on your hand before you have had a chance to fully move in, so they are gripping your fingers and you feel weird? A handshake is a common greeting. Offer your hand, connect with their hand, close your hand firmly (not hard) and shake it a couple of times. Oh yeah, the grippers, pullers, and long shakers are some other strange ones to avoid. The handshake needs be a solid brief encounter.
  3. Break the ice. – Make it short and sweet. Don’t speak too quickly, or talk for a long period of time. “Hi, my name is Adam,” smiles, offers handshake. “I started The Savannah Quill to help connect writers and readers to promote literacy. What is your name and what do you do?”
  4. Listen.- Stop what you are doing and listen to them. Repeat their name. “Hi Laurel, it is very nice to meet you. Oh, you are an YA author? That is interesting, please tell me more about what you write.”
  5. Ask them questions. – Ask them questions about who they are and what they are doing. Focus on them as a person. Ask them questions about things they enjoy rather then what they do. You can pepper the questions with stuff they are doing, but your focus should be on them, not their work. You are building a relationship, not selling them on your idea. It is human nature for people to reciprocate and during your conversation, you will have plenty of opportunity to talk about your thing. It is not about you, it is about them. You are learning about the person in front of you, and you should make them your entire universe in that moment.
  6. Ask them for permission to connect with them. – Offer to follow their blog/social media, etc right there, and ask them if you can connect with them. This is very important. I ask people for permission to connect with them, rather than use “add” or “friend” them. I am not looking for numbers, I am looking to build real relationships with them.
  7. Call them, then send them a message. – I ask them for their number, then I immediately call them while they are in front of me. Once they receive the call, I hang up. I wait until after the conversation is over, then I send them a message. Some people do not want to exchange phone numbers, but will give you an email address, or social media connection. Respect their privacy, first and foremost. Send them a message to their preferred contact method.
  8. Write a sincere little love letter to your new friend. – “Hi Laurel. It was great meeting you today. I really loved hearing about your Young Adult novel series The Mysteries of Acorn Alley. I’m going to check it out as soon as I get home. – Adam Messer.” Sending them a follow up is a great way to enhance your new relationship with the person. Be sincere and authentic. Don’t say you liked something if you didn’t, and don’t tell someone you are going to read their book if you are not. That is one of the worst let downs people do to authors. We all love little love letters showing appreciation or admiration. Be sincere, and do not try to flatter someone. Flattery is a great way to turn someone away because it is insincere and indicates manipulation or the desire to get something out of them.
  9. Invite them to meet up. – Invite your new friend to meet up. You could get a coffee, meet them over lunch, or somewhere you can sit and chat. Whatever works best for both of you. Try to do it in the next two weeks. When you meet up, get to know them by asking them questions, listening, and sharing your own experiences. Being a good listener goes a long way. Remember you want to get to know them, so ask them questions and listen to their story rather than telling your own. Make them your universe and give them your undivided attention.
  10. Be You. – I know this one is a bit trite, but it is the truest statement of anything I have ever heard in life. Be you. You cannot be someone else, and the cool thing about it is why would you want to be? We are all uniquely gifted with the same biological systems, but your mind makes you different. Love talking about your micro – orchard fig trees? There’s a tribe that loves that as well. Be sincere, authentic, and true to you first. Go into relationships with a curiosity mindset like a child. Let yourself be fascinated by life. Let yourself be open and vulnerable enough to share with your new friend and learn about them. When you genuinely connect with the other person, your relationships with others and yourself become enriching, rewarding, and overflowing with love, empathy, and the human condition.

I would love to hear from you. What worked for you? What didn’t? adam.messer@gmail.com

Adam Messer is an author, journalist, and radio show host. He writes for the Savannah Morning News Do Savannah. The Adam Messer Show is live on Sundays on WRUU 107.5 FM Savannah and you can listen to his podcast on adammesser.libsyn.com and The Adam Messer Show on Apple Podcasts. Email subscribers get cool free stuff. https://mailchi.mp/95306953de6d/amnewsletter 

Interview with Rachel Brune

Please tune in today for the interview with Crone Girls Press publisher Rachel Brune.

Rachel Brune

Crone Girls Press #publisher @rachelabrune joins me today at 3pm EST on @wruu_107.5_savannah to talk about their premier #horror #anthology Stories We Tell After Midnight. You don’t want to miss this terrifying show today!

Listen livestream on http://www.wruu.org or catch the #podcast later tonight. adammesser.libsyn.com or on @apple podcasts The Adam Messer Show by Adam Messer https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-adam-messer-show/id1479309409

#rachelbrune #adammesser #author #editor #publishinghouse #readers #theadammessershow #radio #savannahgeorgia

Growing up, Rachel A. Brune drove her mother nuts by trying out a new hobby every week, from weaving to street hockey to piano to karate. Told to pick one thing and stick with it, she decided to become a writer … and keep trying out new hobbies from fiber spinning to muay thai to medieval recreation and even fencing. Hey, it all counts as research, right?

Her first paying gig as a writer came when Rachel enlisted in the Army Reserve as a military journalist. Armed with pen, paper, camera, and weapon, she spent five years—including two tours in Iraq—writing and publishing stories about the men and women serving in the Army. After five years, and a few more hobbies here and there, Rachel left the field of military journalism and commissioned as an active duty military police officer. She now writes long and short fiction, is an active member of the Society for Creative Anachronism, and is training for her first International-distance triathlon.

Rachel’s goal is to write engaging, entertaining fantasy set in contemporary times, peopled with characters who are flawed but unforgettable. Although she no longer writes Army news stories, she still aims to bring the military she has lived and experienced to life for reader, to do her small part to bridge the military-civilian divide.

Calling all Creators!

Join the Creators today! The Adam Messer Show interviews authors, artists and entertainers who talk about their creative works, process and overcoming Life Happens.

#podcast link in bio



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Two hours of terror!

The Adam Messer Show launches a month of terrifying horror leading up to Halloween starting on Sunday, October 6, 2019.

Tune in live on Sunday, October 6, 2019, to The Adam Messer Show at 3 PM EST on WRUU-LP Savannah 107.5 FM and live-streaming at wruu.org .

Can’t listen live?

Listen to the podcast later after the live show : http://adammesser.libsyn.com and The Adam Messer Show on Apple Podcasts https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-adam-messer-show/id1479309409

Special Guests:

Carol James Marshall

3 p – 4 p Carol James Marshall: Carol is a horror author who loves creepy stuff that goes bump in the night.

Zachary Dennis, Savannah Morning News

4 pm – Zachary Dennis: Savannah Morning News Multimedia Content Editor with the Do Savannah Top Picks for the upcoming week.

Patrick Welsh

4 p – 5 p Patrick Welsh: Patrick is well known at the St. Patrick’s Day Parade with the Alee Temple and the Alee Terror Plantation Haunt voted #1 in Georgia by The Scare Factor.

Adam Messer

Adam Messer is a journalist, author and radio show host. He freelances for the Savannah Morning News Do Savannah. The Adam Messer Show is live on Sundays at 3 pm EST. You can also listen to all of shows on Apple Podcasts and Libsyn

Get a free copy of Blood Thrasher: The Devil’s in the Metal for signing up on my newsletter. https://mailchi.mp/95306953de6d/amnewsletter 

Do you love podcasts? Join Savannah Podcasters Association group for free . Savannah Podcasters Association connects podcasters and listeners around the world. http://www.facebook.com/groups/savannahpodcasters 

Links to books, radio show, podcast, & social media: https://linktr.ee/adammesser 

Partner with me! Sponsors needed!

I am looking for sponsors for my podcast to help offset the costs needed to transfer all of my episodes over, as well as media production costs.

Per episode sponsorships available:

$1 per episode gets listed on the episode info section.
$5 gets a mention as sponsor and social media thank you.
$10 gets “This episode brought to you by” announcement and social media thank you.
$25 gets special announcement and banner ad on my FB pages/ WordPress site.

$50 gets all of the above and a banner ad for one week on my For Sale Savannah (Buy Sell Trade) group with 39K members, and over 18K posts per month. We add over 1000 new members monthly.

All sponsors will be listed in the info section of the podcast.

Note: This is strictly for The Adam Messer Show podcast and not the live radio show. WRUU 107.5 FM is a commercial-free radio station and no sponsors will be mentioned on my live show.

Episode #4 – Michael Sorensen


I had the pleasure of interviewing best selling author Michael Sorensen today.

Michael Sorensen is the best selling author of I Hear You : The Surprisingly Simple Skill Behind Extraordinary Relationships joined host Adam Messer to discuss his book, validation, empathetic listening skills, and relationship building.

This week’s episode proudly brought to you by:

For Sale Savannah (Buy, Sell, Trade)


SteeRange Comics


Michael Sorensen joins me today

Michael Sorensen is the best selling author of I Hear You : The Surprisingly Simple Skill Behind Extraordinary Relationships joins host Adam Messer today at 3 pm EST on WRUU 107.5 FM.

Livestream on http://www.wruu.org and catch the podcast later on http://adammesser.libsyn.com or The Adam Messer Show on Apple Podcasts.

@wruu_1075 @adammesser @admesser@MichaelSorensn #wruu1075 #adammesser https://www.facebook.com/hellomichaelsorensen/ #radio #savannahgeorgia #leadership #listening #communication #skills